Dress: Plats Closet ( vintage brand) Similar (HERE) (HERE)// Hat: Nordstrom Rack (HERE) (HERE)
“If you hold back on the emotions–if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them–you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your heard even, you experience them fully and completely.”
― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie
This is like a field of dreams! My exact fantasies, of running wild and feeling completely free in a field. My photographer and friend Alex and I were lucky enough to catch some magic moments in our favorite area for photo’s. In a scenery like this one I truly do feel like myself the most. It feels simple, yet incomplete, able to reach for freedom within my grasp, yet not fully able to attained it.
I’ve always been someone that kept practically everything to herself, whether its my feelings, things that happened, or memories. I’ve always been skeptical of people, hard to trust and let my guard down Having been little and having had gone through several tragedies in my life, I lost two very important people in my life; two people that are are the up most important in a child’s life. After losing those people, an just growing up the way I did, it made me shy and made me keep things to myself and I think a bit scared of meeting new people and new experiences. I kept to myself because I was scared, Not because those things truly scared me but because I was afraid of having to lose those people and those experiences all over again and just the thought of having to go through that pain all over again and again was not something I was interested in. I never really been good at letting new people into my life especially those that I don’t immediately click with because allowing others to get close to you, is to share your life and experiences with them and everything else that comes with that. And once that persons in your life: trust, honest, and love all come with that. And lets be honest that is such thing as reality and people DON’T ALWAYS live up to our exceptions no matter how much we want them to, and so they end up letting us down and make us feel unsatisfactory. Which is why one of my motto’s is “expect the Unexpected” just don’t expect anything from anyone then when they show up empty handed and defiantly not up to the standard that you expected, that way your not disappointed or wreck with fury. Having been through the things I went through as a child and being let down enough in life my trust is absolutely NOT something I freely give, so when you have it, you better hold on to it and never let it go because the truth is if you lose it; I’m not giving you or passing another one out.
So slowly, very slowly It took awhile and I started letting go of things
I started letting myself feel things and very slowly I started to become the person I hoped my parents wanted me to be. Even though I was dealt those certain hands from the beginning of life, terrible with lost of heartache, and pain there was also love, lots of love and I’m not big on “things happen for a reason” kind’ve person but in the instance I truly believe that everything horrible that happened to me was for the greater good I may not have been able to see the bigger picture then but it’s turned me into someone I would never have become if those experiences had never had to me. So I do, I truly thank god for those precious moments. I meant amazing people and have had incredible experiences. I’m not the best socializer or they best at letting go or getting close to others, but I’m still learning and getting better at it and I think its something that I will take me the rest of my life. The truth is, I think were all a little broken and its all right I’m learning to pick up the pieces, go with the flow and along the way enjoying the ride and that is what I think truly matters.
“Don’t bother trying to explain your emotions. Live everything as intensely as you can and keep whatever you felt as a gift from God. The best way to destroy the bridge between the visible and invisible is by trying to explain your emotions.”
― Paulo Coelho, Brida
A string of all the moments, all the torments, all the tears, all the heartache, all the laughs, all the accomplishments, all the failures, all the bright lights that touched us . . . those of the past, those of the present and those that maybe will or will not come to us in the future. The twists and turns of moments that develop into something greater than what is just the moment. A story that goes beyond our physical being for it is connected to everything we touch, and even those events and people we didn’t even notice. A bigger picture. The moments that seem insignificant, or negative or harsh or just simply random and small, they are all pieces of the puzzle, too, and that are meant to be cherished. Because no good, worthwhile moment can be as good or worthwhile without having a component to balance it out with. It’s the bigger picture and the bigger perspective. Great things don’t just come from happy moments, it comes from the understanding that the linking of all our moments in our lives creates something unique and purposeful. In this way, life isn’t being measured exactly, but it is being felt. From the beginning to end. No pieces left out. Each one existing directly because of the one before it and the one that may be soon to come. So enjoy and decide to feel and cherish every moment because you never know, you just never know!
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee!!